18 May 2011 Wed

Dear Heavenly Father

I feel so lost and down now

I know i should be happy as i finally get to go out relaxing my mind

But somehow

I got halted by Chemistry Paper 2

I really did so badly Father

I am really sorry for feeling so desperate and sad over that

Father

I am just so disappointed with myself

I believe that i am ready for the paper

I did my best and finished all the revision before that

I worked hard for that and i believe Father you can see that

But i just don't know why Father

I went blanked during the exam

And i was so lost and helpless

I did so badly Father

At that moment

Deep inside my heart

How i wished that there was a teacher approaching me and help me out

But something stopped me from asking for help, Father

Was that what you wanted me to do Father?

Depends on myself without seeking helps?

I wonder

I feel so sorry to myself, to my parents and to You, Father

I know i had disappointed many people around

Father, Save Me Please

Father

Save me please

My heart is bleeding

I know by now

I should study and i have to study

But i just cant focus anything now

I am dead

I feel myself dead

I feel like i lost everything Father

The trust, the confidence and everything in me

I lost everything Father

I need you Father

You are now the only one i can depend on Father

I have no one to talk to or to cry to

I only left you Father

I only left you

Father

I just realize that

Everything i doubt bout myself in the past and even now

Are the reality that i am actually hiding from

I don't dare to face it

All because i am too timid to admit them

I know i have to face it one day

But i never know that it will be today

In the mid of exam

It completely spoil my mood Father

And i never know that it can be so hurt

Especially when it is coming out from someone that i thought i can fully depend on

I thought he is someone who are different from the others

I thought he is someone who won't take me for granted and won't ignore me like a transparent shadow

But actually i am so wrong

Father

Am i really a transparent shadow?

No matter how much i work..

Am i really that worthless to be seen?

Am i really that bad?

You know my heart Father

I don't expect to be a star 

I just hope that when i have done something right or whatever

There's at least someone who can trust me

See me

Give me simple praises

Give me a compliment 

I don't need anything Father

I just need that special someone

And that's who i am searching for until now

But i couldn't find 

Only you Father

Only you

Father 

I lost myself

Save me Father

Rescue me Father

Help me to find back myself Father

Give me strength Father

T.T

Father

Wash all my sadness away, Father

I have to study

I HAVE TO

I feel like giving up Father

I know there's an evil thinking in my mind now

I feel like giving up Father as i think that no matter how much i work

There's nothing in return

Father

Clear all my mind Father

Help me Father

Save me Father

Help me

Help me

Help me

I am dying....

8th May 2011 Saturday

Hey Father

Today is Happy Mother's Day!!!

Father

May you bless all the mothers

A wonderful and lovely day yea

And of course

May you take care of mummy

Give her a healthy body and healthy mind

Don't make her overwork or over stress

Bless her much yea Father

=)

Father,

I learned a lot of things through Pastor Siew today

A topic about loving our parents shared by Pastor

Make me realize many things that i should do as a child to my parents

It touches my heart

By now

I think i know what is the responsibilities of me towards my parents

Oh Father,

I believe that this is what you want me to learn and do now

So that i won't regret in future

~Express my love in time and 

Never hesitate to show them how much i love them~

And of course

I know it is not only to my parent

But to everyone around whom i love and care

Father

Thankiew for the lesson today

I Love You

=)

Father,

Exam is going to start tomorrow

First paper..MATHSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

T.T

Father

I do my best, revising all i can dy

Now

I leave everything onto your hand, Father

Father

May you bless me, Fab, Gab, Mund, Bao and everyone in KTT

May you calm our heart down and give us a relax mind and soul

So that we won't be nervous and blur tomorrow

May you bless us Father

I need your strength Father

I need you Father

Father

It's all for now

Gonna off dy

Once again

Love You yea Father 

=P

-CHIEN-

P.S :/ It's just a simple one today. Have to study again..=(

6th May 2011 Fri

Father,

I start feeling nervous and worry for the exam

It's just 2 more days ahead

Maths & Practical

Which i had done badly in my Trial

I just feel so so so scary 

I can feel my heart beating fast

The rhythm is so fast that it makes me cant focus in study

I have to calm down Father

And i need you

>.<

Father, 

Again,

I need your strength

Please calm down my mind Father

I pass everything onto your head Father

Guide me and lead me Father

Help me to go through all the obstacles

And successfully go through all the exams and don't be panic

Help me Father

T.T

Your Child

-CHIEN-

5th May 2011 Thurs

Heavenly Father

Here I am again

=)

Father,

3 more days left and exam is here

I am really so so so so so super worry and nervous for that

T.T

No matter how much i have revised, how much i have read

I just feel that it is so not enough for me

I am really so scare for that Father

Give me confidence please Father

Make me stay calm

I always tell myself that

I try my best dy

There's nothing much i can do anymore

I will just leave everything to you Father

I need your blessings Father

Father, 

Today right..i had a nice conversation with Gab them 

We were discussing bout religions stuffs and through this short conversation

I learned and realized so many things that change my perceptions

Father, I feel so so so proud to be your daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel so so so lucky to be called as your child!!!!!!!

I don't know how to express my deepest love to you via words and phrases

The love is just so so so pure

I LOVE YOU FATHER

SO SO SO SO MUCH

=)

I will never regret to make this important decision in my life to be your disciple

Thanks God for giving me the chance to come upon you

To know bout you 

And of course

Thanks God for sending Fab by my side

I will never ever forget who is the one who bring me to you

And that's him

=)

Father, 

Thankiew for everything yea =)

Thankiew for the nice lunch and dinner

Thankiew for the strength and energy given to me

Thankiew for the health & safety given to me, family and friends

Thankiew for all the care and love

THANKIEWWWWWWW 

Until here i stop yea Father

Time to off to bed

Gonna be a good girl today

Sleep earlier and wake up earlier tomoro =)

I love yea Father

AMEN! 

With lotsss of love,

CHIEN

P.S:/ Oh ya Father, can i ask for one more thing? Please give me a quiet place for study.. I really need that so so so much..sometimes i really lost my patience for that..T.T

Help Me God

Heavenly Father

My friend is facing problem again

He is so sad now

It had been quite some times that i didn't chat with him

Chatting with him tonight

I feel the great great great sadness of him

I feel sad for him

I tried my best to give him my best advice

I don't know whether it helps or not

But i did my best

Father, 

you know what? 

I realize that he is somehow..same as Gab

He is that kind

Who is very hardworking, study type of guy

He doesn't like to spend money too

He is somehow..the shadow of Gab??

Only tonight 

I realize the similarities of both them

He told me that

His friends saying bad things behind him

Complained that he is bookworm, nerd, and trouble maker.

Oh no~~ this make me realize what i said sometimes when i get frust

So, does it means that i made a mistake too??

I shouldn't like that right??

I am sorry

Anyway Father, 

Help him and guide him please

He needs love seriously

He needs accompany

I hope he feel okay bits after tonight

Hopefully that i did help him up

Seriously i want him to be happy and open up his heart

I am glad that he blurted out everything to me just now

I know he will keep everything to himself 

Thank you Father for letting me to spend some times with him

Bless him please Father

AMEN

CHIEN

P.S: / Father, thankiew for giving me strength and energy to finish my revision today..=) Please continue giving me strength tomorrow and guard my heart and mind so that i won't be distracted by external sources..=P And, to Fab too..Bless him too Father, don't make him too stress..Thanks and Goodnite Father..I LOVE YOU =D

4th May 2011 Wed

Hey heavenly Father

How are you today??

LOL

XD

Father,

I know i shouldn't be here blogging at this moment

But then

My eyes couldn't open and my brain couldn't function anymore

Open up my book in front of me

I did look at them but at the same time

They stared at me too

XD

Father,

I am tired

How i wish i can go out somewhere

Being locked up in KTT is really so bored sometimes

But yea..

This helps me to save lots of money

HoHo

XD

Father, 

I really cant wait for the exams end, go shopping and of course

Going back my sweet sweet home~~~ =D

I am hungry too

Father, 

Why girls have to worry bout fatsssss yea??

It's really so hard going on diet

I know i shouldn't do so

I know i should appreciate every food that is given by Father

But then, I am sorry father

If i am not going to control right...

I will start my inferior again

And i scare no one would want to be with me

Haih.....T.T

Don't scold me Father

=P

Half an hour past

I know i have to go back continue my Chemistry again..=(

Okay fine

I will be a good girl

Goodbye father

I LOVE YOU

AMEN!

=)

P.S:/ Sorry Father, I woke up late again this morning~~~ =(

-CHIEN-

Show him Love please, Father

Father

I know he is sad again

I feel him

Father

He is just like me

With no confidence in ourselves

And easily be influenced and touched

Father

I just wanna make him happy and be more confident in himself

I don't hope for anything in return

But I believe that God know my heart well, 

I know i couldn't hide anything from God

But i know if that's not gonna happen, it will not happen at all

I believe that everything lies on your hand, Father

I just leave it all to you father.

Anyway

Back to the topic

Sorry father for jumping topics

XD

Father

Please make him happy kay?

Please shine your great love to him and make him feel warm and touch

How i wish i can give him a big hug when i saw him cry but i know i couldn't

I just hope that i can spend more time with him

Accompanying him and cure his heart's biggest problem

Oh Father, 

Please lead him ways, guide him go through all the obstacles k??

Please guide him to find the key to open up the lock in his heart..

Please bring him happiness oh Father

Father,

Can you please tell me

What should i do next????

>.<
Guide me and help me too Father

We need you Father

Your Child,

CHIEN

3rd May 2011

Oh Heavenly Father

This is my first letter to you =)

Father,

How are ya today?? XD

I am doing fine today

Manage to finish what i planned to study and find back my mood of studying

Really big thanks to you, Father..

Father,

I know it's all because of your great love and care

that made me decided to create this blog

as a way to talk and communicate with you

spending some free time to be with you

and draw myself closer to you

Thanks Father

Father

These few days right

Seriously, i could feel your love to me

Every night before sleeping

and every morning when my eyes first open from sleep

listening to worship songs

make me realize how much you love us

you make me know that

I will never be alone

Even if there's no one who care me

There's no one who love me

But You do

You never leave me alone when i am sad, when i cry or even if i did something wrong

Every time when i feel alone and inferior

You will always show me that "You love the way I am"

Thanks for always be with me Lord

And father

Thank you that you let everything turn back to normal again

I smiled today =)

Miraclely, all my doubts and emoness were cleared 

I know it's all because of your love, Father

But i believe part of it is because of him..

He made me realize that i should not be sad, always be with God and pray hard

He made me wake and stand strong

Father, really thanks so much for putting him to be here with me

Seriously, i need him.

I know there's always a purpose for putting us together again

Perhaps for us to grow??

 I don't know what's the reasons but as time flies

I think i am getting more and more closer to know the reasons behind,

 Through You, Father.

By the way Father,

I start worrying for the exams, ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I am so scare that i can't do well in it!!!  How How How???? T.T

Give me strength and confidence please, Father..

And for him too, Father

We need You

>.<

And Father,

I think it's time for me to sleep dy..

I promised myself that i have to sleep earlier and wake up earlier the next morning to study but....

OOPPSS..

I sleep late again tonight..sorry Father..

Lastly, 

Thankiew father for giving me a good day today

Thankiew for clearing all my sadness

Father, 

May you continue to take good care of daddy, mummy, sis, bro, grandma, cousins and friends in Kuching yea~ 

And continue to give me, Fabian, Gabriel, Edmund, Gong Bao and all the friends in KTT a dedicated mind and soul, 

giving us strength and energy to continue our revision,

make good use of time studying and not be distracted by the external sources

And may God shine your love upon Fab, giving him strength and care

making him strong

May Father listen to my prayers and in the name of Jesus i pray,

AMEN

Goodnight Father

=D

With all my love,

CHIEN