Should I ???

Father,
I have a doubt right inside my heart, Father
Father,
I wonder, i really wonder,
What you really want me to do, Father

Father,
I see all the opportunities you have given to me all this while Father
From where i am now and who i am with now
I know there's always a reason behind and they are not coincidence Father
I know i should hold on to every opportunity and destiny you grant me
But Father
Seriously
I am doubting now
Should i let them go?
Give me an answer Father

Father
You see me Father
You look upon me Father
I always try to let go
And i even force myself to let go
But it fails all the time and instead
I feel my hand and my heart holding them even tight and strong
And i seriously feel that
They are indeed belongs to me Father
But, are they??

Father,
I always told you that
I leave everything onto your hand Father
As i believe that everything is in your control Father
But of course i know that
Father you keep giving me light, hope and chances
You give me strength and courage to hold them tight
And i know that
Father you are a "giver" and i am still the one who have to make the right decisions
I just doubt, Father
I don't dare to hold them Father
I don't have the courage to
I am sorry

Father
I am in a hopeless state now
I keep wonder
Should i let go or hold them tight Father?
Which is the correct path for me?
Help me to make the right choices Father
=(

18 May 2011 Wed

Dear Heavenly Father

I feel so lost and down now

I know i should be happy as i finally get to go out relaxing my mind

But somehow

I got halted by Chemistry Paper 2

I really did so badly Father

I am really sorry for feeling so desperate and sad over that

Father

I am just so disappointed with myself

I believe that i am ready for the paper

I did my best and finished all the revision before that

I worked hard for that and i believe Father you can see that

But i just don't know why Father

I went blanked during the exam

And i was so lost and helpless

I did so badly Father

At that moment

Deep inside my heart

How i wished that there was a teacher approaching me and help me out

But something stopped me from asking for help, Father

Was that what you wanted me to do Father?

Depends on myself without seeking helps?

I wonder

I feel so sorry to myself, to my parents and to You, Father

I know i had disappointed many people around

Father, Save Me Please

Father

Save me please

My heart is bleeding

I know by now

I should study and i have to study

But i just cant focus anything now

I am dead

I feel myself dead

I feel like i lost everything Father

The trust, the confidence and everything in me

I lost everything Father

I need you Father

You are now the only one i can depend on Father

I have no one to talk to or to cry to

I only left you Father

I only left you

Father

I just realize that

Everything i doubt bout myself in the past and even now

Are the reality that i am actually hiding from

I don't dare to face it

All because i am too timid to admit them

I know i have to face it one day

But i never know that it will be today

In the mid of exam

It completely spoil my mood Father

And i never know that it can be so hurt

Especially when it is coming out from someone that i thought i can fully depend on

I thought he is someone who are different from the others

I thought he is someone who won't take me for granted and won't ignore me like a transparent shadow

But actually i am so wrong

Father

Am i really a transparent shadow?

No matter how much i work..

Am i really that worthless to be seen?

Am i really that bad?

You know my heart Father

I don't expect to be a star 

I just hope that when i have done something right or whatever

There's at least someone who can trust me

See me

Give me simple praises

Give me a compliment 

I don't need anything Father

I just need that special someone

And that's who i am searching for until now

But i couldn't find 

Only you Father

Only you

Father 

I lost myself

Save me Father

Rescue me Father

Help me to find back myself Father

Give me strength Father

T.T

Father

Wash all my sadness away, Father

I have to study

I HAVE TO

I feel like giving up Father

I know there's an evil thinking in my mind now

I feel like giving up Father as i think that no matter how much i work

There's nothing in return

Father

Clear all my mind Father

Help me Father

Save me Father

Help me

Help me

Help me

I am dying....

8th May 2011 Saturday

Hey Father

Today is Happy Mother's Day!!!

Father

May you bless all the mothers

A wonderful and lovely day yea

And of course

May you take care of mummy

Give her a healthy body and healthy mind

Don't make her overwork or over stress

Bless her much yea Father

=)

Father,

I learned a lot of things through Pastor Siew today

A topic about loving our parents shared by Pastor

Make me realize many things that i should do as a child to my parents

It touches my heart

By now

I think i know what is the responsibilities of me towards my parents

Oh Father,

I believe that this is what you want me to learn and do now

So that i won't regret in future

~Express my love in time and 

Never hesitate to show them how much i love them~

And of course

I know it is not only to my parent

But to everyone around whom i love and care

Father

Thankiew for the lesson today

I Love You

=)

Father,

Exam is going to start tomorrow

First paper..MATHSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

T.T

Father

I do my best, revising all i can dy

Now

I leave everything onto your hand, Father

Father

May you bless me, Fab, Gab, Mund, Bao and everyone in KTT

May you calm our heart down and give us a relax mind and soul

So that we won't be nervous and blur tomorrow

May you bless us Father

I need your strength Father

I need you Father

Father

It's all for now

Gonna off dy

Once again

Love You yea Father 

=P

-CHIEN-

P.S :/ It's just a simple one today. Have to study again..=(

6th May 2011 Fri

Father,

I start feeling nervous and worry for the exam

It's just 2 more days ahead

Maths & Practical

Which i had done badly in my Trial

I just feel so so so scary 

I can feel my heart beating fast

The rhythm is so fast that it makes me cant focus in study

I have to calm down Father

And i need you

>.<

Father, 

Again,

I need your strength

Please calm down my mind Father

I pass everything onto your head Father

Guide me and lead me Father

Help me to go through all the obstacles

And successfully go through all the exams and don't be panic

Help me Father

T.T

Your Child

-CHIEN-

5th May 2011 Thurs

Heavenly Father

Here I am again

=)

Father,

3 more days left and exam is here

I am really so so so so so super worry and nervous for that

T.T

No matter how much i have revised, how much i have read

I just feel that it is so not enough for me

I am really so scare for that Father

Give me confidence please Father

Make me stay calm

I always tell myself that

I try my best dy

There's nothing much i can do anymore

I will just leave everything to you Father

I need your blessings Father

Father, 

Today right..i had a nice conversation with Gab them 

We were discussing bout religions stuffs and through this short conversation

I learned and realized so many things that change my perceptions

Father, I feel so so so proud to be your daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel so so so lucky to be called as your child!!!!!!!

I don't know how to express my deepest love to you via words and phrases

The love is just so so so pure

I LOVE YOU FATHER

SO SO SO SO MUCH

=)

I will never regret to make this important decision in my life to be your disciple

Thanks God for giving me the chance to come upon you

To know bout you 

And of course

Thanks God for sending Fab by my side

I will never ever forget who is the one who bring me to you

And that's him

=)

Father, 

Thankiew for everything yea =)

Thankiew for the nice lunch and dinner

Thankiew for the strength and energy given to me

Thankiew for the health & safety given to me, family and friends

Thankiew for all the care and love

THANKIEWWWWWWW 

Until here i stop yea Father

Time to off to bed

Gonna be a good girl today

Sleep earlier and wake up earlier tomoro =)

I love yea Father

AMEN! 

With lotsss of love,

CHIEN

P.S:/ Oh ya Father, can i ask for one more thing? Please give me a quiet place for study.. I really need that so so so much..sometimes i really lost my patience for that..T.T

Help Me God

Heavenly Father

My friend is facing problem again

He is so sad now

It had been quite some times that i didn't chat with him

Chatting with him tonight

I feel the great great great sadness of him

I feel sad for him

I tried my best to give him my best advice

I don't know whether it helps or not

But i did my best

Father, 

you know what? 

I realize that he is somehow..same as Gab

He is that kind

Who is very hardworking, study type of guy

He doesn't like to spend money too

He is somehow..the shadow of Gab??

Only tonight 

I realize the similarities of both them

He told me that

His friends saying bad things behind him

Complained that he is bookworm, nerd, and trouble maker.

Oh no~~ this make me realize what i said sometimes when i get frust

So, does it means that i made a mistake too??

I shouldn't like that right??

I am sorry

Anyway Father, 

Help him and guide him please

He needs love seriously

He needs accompany

I hope he feel okay bits after tonight

Hopefully that i did help him up

Seriously i want him to be happy and open up his heart

I am glad that he blurted out everything to me just now

I know he will keep everything to himself 

Thank you Father for letting me to spend some times with him

Bless him please Father

AMEN

CHIEN

P.S: / Father, thankiew for giving me strength and energy to finish my revision today..=) Please continue giving me strength tomorrow and guard my heart and mind so that i won't be distracted by external sources..=P And, to Fab too..Bless him too Father, don't make him too stress..Thanks and Goodnite Father..I LOVE YOU =D